Patrick

Fuck's up?

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:35:43 GMT

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

New poem by me, new story by Strange, some movie reviews and shit...

Just gearing up for 2010. Things have been swell. I'm working on a collaborative "chapbook" with Adam Strange and Stuart González. What that means is that we're just throwing some poems and shit together to sell at a gallery appearance that we'll hopefully be making come January (more on that at a later date). It's called, "Fuck, I Love Living in the City" and it's gonna be a riot. Or a piece of shit. Either way, it'll be cheap.

I've been going out more and drinking, which means that by the time I stumble home drunk at dawn, I don't feel like writing on my novel. So I will, in all likelihood, not have the shit finished by New Year's Day. Sad. But I'm still plugging away when the muse hits, and it's good shit (in my opinion). I'm very excited about the possibilities. Few months of editing and some clever realignment, and it should be gold. Maybe.

Work is slow, but it always is this time of year. We have the obligatory two week vacay which doesn't help the pocket-book, but I guess it's time for me to stop being a literal bitch, and be a figurative one: get a second job doing something to debase myself-- service industry?

Last night I almost had sex in an alley. Almost. But I wasn't quite drunk enough to not be paranoid.

In other news, my Portuguese is getting better. Probably better than my Spanish, to be honest. But that's debatable.

Been a long time.

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 15:01:10 GMT

Been a long time. A few things:

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

A new look. I've never been good at things like html or css, so... I'm borrowing templates. Haha! I need someone to help me design the zine I'm starting, I think. I'm so fuckin' green.

Anyway, we finished a production of "Fuddy Meers." Things went well. Our director freaked out a couple of times, but other than that, it was pretty successful. Next week we're holding auditions for "The Vagina Monologues." I think it was one of those "wild hair" deals that my boss has from time to time. Next semester, I get to direct and act. Not at the same time, but I'll be directing something I've written, and, in a double header, I'll be performing "Pounding Nails in The Floor with My Forehead" by Eric Bogosian. I love Bogosian's stuff, and ever since performing in "Art," I feel more confident in my abilities, and most importantly, being in FRONT of people. The challenge with "Pounding Nails..." is in changing character so quickly. I think there are 12 monologues with characters representing various classes and cultures in America.

All in all, I feel good, yep I do.

Hello.

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 04:29:12 GMT

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

http://iiialliterative.blogspot.com/

Read my blogs 'n' stuff.

So, we performed "Art" by Yasmina Reza a few weeks ago. Three perfomances. All went fairly well. I hadn't actually performed as an actor in years, but I feel fairly confident in my performance. Might be video soon. Who knows?

Still working on my novel. Working on trying to get back to Europe soon. My cousin is having twins any day now.

Things are good overall. I am currently reading "London Fields" by Martin Amis.

Before the month is out, I will be 26. Holy shit.

Para discutir.

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:11:03 GMT

So I think I made some progress with someone. Maybe. Probably not. ... Most likely not. Let's just say "friends with benefits" did not scare her away. Haha!

My new favorite insult? "Fall into a pit of erect cocks."

First night of the play is next Thursday. I'm a little nervous. I tend to get distracted somewhat by audiences... and Dean's scene chewing. I just could NOT stay in character today.

I'd say go to my blog, but who reads this?

Just some of what's on my mind.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:20:36 GMT

Crime in Stereo is an addictive band. "...Is Dead" is a killer CD. Nothing special, but it's catchy, fun, and there are some cool little intricacies that make it interesting.

Yep.

Anyway, new DEP next year. "Option Paralysis."

Also, new Converge, "Axe to Fall" out on my birthday (20/10/2009).

Anyway, I wanted to elaborate on why women are funny.

I've been accused of being "difficult to read." Really? Wow, should I take that as a compliment? Maybe I'm finally doing something right. I don't want to be easy. In fact, I don't want to give ANYTHING away. That's what I write for.

Women make me laugh.

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:13:57 GMT

Damned By Faint Praise.

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 03:46:54 GMT

To anyone out there. Read our fuckin' blog.

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

THE Stu González is on board. Stuart used to be in a creative writing course with me. We were the "star pupils" if you can imagine such a thing. He just turned 27 last weekend, so tell him he's old. He went to Rice and got a degree. Still hasn't done shit with it. Point proven? Meh. Anyway, I put up some segments of a story and a poem in Portuguese. I've got a few more short stories to crank out, and then I'm focusing on my novel.

Despite having rehearsal broken up by vacations, I think the play is coming along well. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something that at least slightly resembles acting.

eu sei. eu sinto.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 07:50:15 GMT

Agora, eu sei que posse falar português... mais ou menos. É o bastante pra as meninas sozinhas. :)

I can do the Brazilian accent. Kind of. I guess I try to find a balance. It's not going to be perfect because my native language is English. If I listen to my dad enough I can do a killer Irish accent, though. "Will ye be wantin' ta see the leprechauns?"

So go here: http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

Some new stories, some old stories. Pictures. My "dead soldier" collection. And some new poetry. My current muse is undefined. Also, my buddy Strange has, just as I started writing this... added new shit. So if you're reading this... go there and read that. Follow us. Give us some incentive to continue. We are usually drunk... sometimes ambitious... and we like to talk shit.

Anyway, I just want to know who is happy? Because I am. Drunk with wine and all! Only a pussy would complain about "headaches" or "stained teeth." If you can't handle some wine, you shouldn't drink AT ALL.

All random and shit.

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:16:25 GMT

I think Lucy Davis is hot in a weird, "I'm a British chick" way.

What is it with people who don't know me wanting to start shit with me on facebook? I must REALLY BE an asshole. Friends of my friends and shit. One guy argued with me about Michael Jackson because he's a sexless douche, and the latest guy took my quipping as a personal affront. Even called me Patty. I usually only let Kawas call me that.

I like Raine Maida's solo record. Check out "Yellow Brick Road."

New Glassjaw sounds fucking killer.

I REALLY hate mob mentalities.

I woke up with a raging... erection this morning. Maybe it's because I had a dream that I was going to have sex with this girl, and then she made me get tested instead.

I read somewhere... it was a link in Portuguese... that 17% of the Brazilian population "hates" atheists. I'm assuming those 17% are Christ the Redeemer loving Catholics. Well, maybe you should be more like your hero and "stop hatin'". Não acredito em deus. So what? Who cares?

7 is an aesthetically pleasing number to me. It's got a sexy curve. 8 is just fat.

I STILL think that "King Kong" song by Jibbs is funny. "YOU CAN HEAR ME 'FO YOU SEE ME" Shitty rap. And creepin' in the hood is all about being stealthy, man. Not announcing your presence.

I'm having a slight writer's block right now. I haven't been able to finish one of my short stories... sometimes I think I need a muse, but then... I've accomplished so much without one. Real women made ideal only complicate matters.

So...

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 05:13:05 GMT

sex on a thin carpet leads to skinned knees. Half inch of carpet between my knees and concrete. Fuckin' lovely. I can feel the scabs coming up now. Ah, casual sex with a friend. Such bliss. Watched the 1945 version of "The Picture of Dorian Gray" today. All in all, it's a good movie with good performances, especially George Sanders, who played Lord Henry, my favorite character in the book. Lots of liberties were taken, which is not surprising considering the time the movie was made, but the book was written in the late 19th century and was edgier (the homosexual stuff was BARELY hinted at)! Sybil Vane's character was abbreviated. Gone within the first hour. And I know Angela Lansbury won a Golden Globe for the performance-- she was good when on screen-- but that time was less than half an hour!

But anyway...

Updates.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 05:07:32 GMT

I've added "Volume 3" of my "Detouring" series on Damned By Faint Praise.

Adam has also put up his "tour of Dallas."

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

A little while ago I added an entry to "Amateur Flâneur." It's a fictional piece in the key of Restif de la Bretonne's Les Nuits de Paris. It's not the best thing I've ever written, but I wrote it in a jiffy, and it's rawness is a testament to my "punk ethic." Hahaha!

http://iiialliterative.blogspot.com/

Anyway, that's what I'm doing.

Pics from Ireland '08

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:17:16 GMT

To "positive example" (which is something I'm not!), to respond to your request...

remember when you asked me how old the cottage is? I said something outrageous like, "maybe 100 years." Well, my dad scoffed at the suggestion. It's been in our family for ages. The place is REALLY old. But that shouldn't surprise me. Ireland is old as fuck. Last time I was "home" as my dad puts it, I took some photos (inside and out). Kind of random. Kind of bad. But... let us begin:

Me outside the cottage.

I think me and my buddy Matt were the only two guys rocking beards.

It still needs lots of work. No one's really lived there since '95 (my grandmother).

Old wallpaper. The door leading to where my dad and aunt and uncle slept.

Kitchen. Where I began the first page of my novel (still in progress).

I'm sure the flag is WAY older than me. I think the shadow play gives it more color than it actually has.

Picture depicting the assassination of Michael Collins. It's not celebratory, by the way. Kind of a representation of the cold-blooded nature of it.

Signs in Irish and English.

Road leading to my uncle's.

Slieve Bloom mountains w/snow.

So yeah... that's Ireland as I saw it.

o que eu estava dizendo... fuck it.

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 05:53:20 GMT

Hey, so...

Maybe I'm the hugest asshole in the world. I don't know. I'm confundido muchísimo right now. I get a message from Jess and she wants to send me an invite to her wedding, but... ?? So did I write all that invective too soon? Because I was all butt hurt and shit. Wow. More on this as it develops. I might end up eating shit on this one.

If anyone still reads this shit, go here:

http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

We're only getting started. I think I'm going to lean on someone I know very well for some financial support (with regards to my website-- call it a "business endeavor") ... if all goes well. Still working on my novel. Finished the sex story. I'm going to be writing an abridged pseudo-punk-pseudo-memoir. Because I feel like it. I've turned the corner, and though I'm broke as FUCK, I feel good about who I am and what I'm doing. I am a writer. It's what I do. I am good at it.

Anyway. I may not go down in history, but I will go down on your sister. Word is bond.

I'm excited...

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 05:35:17 GMT

for two reasons:

One: because I'm not an ugly fuck with a horrendously big nose. Yeah, dude... Tin Star is a great place to take your girl for lunch. You dress like you got money, holmes. Why don't you show your beautiful lady a good time? I mean, the choice between sex later on or drinking Bud Light with a bunch of dudes ain't no fucking choice, man. Just saying.

Two: that dance group from Florida (with all the South American beauties) is coming back in October. And by then my Portuguese can get even better. I won't look like a retard trying to speak Spanish to Brazilian girls (it was an honest mistake!). When my boss told me, I fucking giggled. I had to apologize. It's just... I don't get that excited about women, to be honest. Because it's all prelude to a letdown. I don't have to hit the home run anymore. I don't have to idealize someone unfairly. Just be charming. Get a smile and move on. If she comes, great. If not... fuck it. There are better things to do with my time.

---

Oh, so Bill O'Reilly, disgrace to Irish-Americans everywhere... had another lovely "rant" recently. The funny thing, I was in agreement with him until he started bashing Michael Jackson. First of all, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Mr. I've been sued for sexual harassment more times than Prince has changed his name. I find it laughable when people go on rants about child molesters and rapists and the like, saying the most ridiculous things... look, I'm glad it makes you feel better about what a waste of oxygen you are to compare yourself to the fucking PARIAHS of society/history.

"I may be a lying, hypocritical sack of shit, but I don't molest children!"

"I may be a racist moron who should be soliciting in the streets for change, but I'm not Hitler!"

"I may demean women and ask them to act out dirty fantasies from my crappy dime novels, but I don't kill people!"

Gee, by that logic, you're a fucking saint. Don't be absurd. These are the people who have nothing better to do than go cheer on Steve "Ape-Boy" Wilkos as he "pwns" wife beaters and drug addicts. "There's right and then there's wrong." Is that so? I have a whole grey area over here that will argue the contrary. These are people like Rep. Peter King in NY who took time out of his "busy" day to bash MJ for being a pedophile, something the man was never convicted of... but whatever, I can go on all day about our elected officials wasting our time and money.

I can go on all day about how these self-righteous fucks only think the law is working if we're jailing 3 out of 10 Americans. That's justice. Next thing you know they'll bypass trials and go right to the kangaroo court shit. "By a show of hands, is this man guilty?" Democracy in action folks.

Anyway, as much as I enjoy shitting on these hapless morons who have to stoop to the lowest common denominator to feel good about themselves, I'm getting bored. So in the words of every man ever at some point: "SUCK MY DICK."

European Girls or People Getting Married.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:26:15 GMT

Ever been to Lamebook?

It's an entertaining concept! It's a place where people can make anonymous submissions of dumb things people do/reveal on facebook. My absolute favorite so far-- I'd post a link but the site is running horribly slow-- is one where this chick updates her status with a critique of some dude's "tiny duck." Of course, according to her, he went down on her, but... still small dick. Rightfully, she is made fun of and castigated and my favorite "burn" was, "Not small dick... big vagina," but one's gotta wonder... if she was so disappointed by the guy's size, why did she fuck him?

It reeks of desperation. Which would go a long way in explaining... oh... nevermind.

It reminds me of Joe Rogan's joke about penis enlargement pills... and he's like, "if that shit really worked, don't you think MOST guys would've caught on? And then, you know, the incrementation of size... penises get bigger and bigger... biological necessity would require that vaginas get bigger to accomodate..."

And then it makes me think about the short story I'm working on right now about this guy having sex dreams, which parlay into very real masturbation sessions that are fueled by his recollection of the imagery of a girl who used to flash him... anyway, I'm making a mockery of the erotic stories. Because I add in all these silly quips about the ridiculousness of it all. And I use really technical terms that make it not so sexy. Fuck you, I say.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about European girls. They are awesome. They are forgetting English. Hahahaha! I did learn that Spanish and Portuguese use the same word for "nostalgia." Saudade.

People getting married: One set of friends have gotten married. I didn't go to their wedding. The invite was over the net. I don't always get those until it's too late. Kind of bummed about that 'cause it was zombie themed. Another set is getting married in Jamaica, so I won't be attending that one. But the worst is that a friend from hs who I've known for about 11 years (give or take a year) got married recently, and not only didn't invite me, but worse, never told me personally. I'm finding out from all these third parties and shit, and it pisses me off. "Did you hear that she got married??"

No actually, I didn't.

So yeah, we "got beef." You may have been pissed at me for senior skip day (which you kind of ruined by being the only one who showed up to class), but if I was getting hitched, I'd never exclude you. And seriously, it's not like a give a shit about weddings. I just would've liked an invitation or a "hey asshole, I'm getting married, be happy for me!"

Whatever. I don't know why people want to get married anyway. It only perpetuates the myth that humans are naturally monogamous.

I'm kind of sick of hearing about Michael Jackson. One side you've assholes crying about him like he was their fuckin' DADA, and then you've got all the judgmental dickheads who are like, "he wasn't nothing but a fucking pedophile." You're all disgusting human beings. Let the man rest in peace.

We've begun the blocking for "Art," and I'm starting to feel a little more comfortable.

This weekend I watched some flix... "The Night of the White Pants" is a Dallas film written and directed by Amy Talkington. I'm assuming she's native or has spent a lot of time here because she did a good job of getting locales and commenting on the upper class phoniness. Tom Wilkinson does a great Texan accent for a Brit, though he lapses from time to time. He's the focus and the stealer in this film. Meaning, he owns every scene he's in, and manages to play a likeable billionaire "good ol boy" who is getting divorced by his plastic trophy wife... he has a boring druggie son who wears golf shorts and channels Seth Green (his acting does-- probably the worst element of the film), and an ambitious daughter (Selma Blair, looking sexy as usual) ... blah blah... it's funny and you can see the building I where I work in one of the scenes. Also, I caught that the filmmaker did a great job in being true to Dallas' layout.

In a car driving east on Ross Ave. (I can tell by the "landmarks") the guy asks if she knows where Swiss Ave. is, and she turns SOUTH! Yes! Points! Good job! Also... scenes are shot in "Double Wide," which is only cool to you if you're a PBR drinking hipster.

I also watched "The Decline of the American Empire," which is from '86. It's kind of a prequel to "The Barbarian Invasions." It is equally good and insightful. Denys Arcand directs both.

Then there's "Nada+" a Cuban film about a young woman who works in a PO in Havana. She endeavors to responding to peoples letters in an intimate and loving way. While the story itself has many references to life in Revolutionary Cuba, which is interesting in and of itself, what really caught me offguard was the cinematography, which was artsy in a very kitsch way. Beautiful stuff. I didn't expect so much for a comedy. Also, the lead actress is a Spaniard. Her accent gives it away. But even with the bleached blonde short hair, she's sexy.

I'm going to begin reading some "Rétif de la Bretonne" soon.

New Dillinger record in '10 "Option Paralysis"

Break from writing.

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 05:51:42 GMT

So.

Everything is coming along well on the writing front. Finished a story last night. Have two more plus an essay about porn for my blog/zine thing on tap. The well of creativity continues to flow. My novel, a year and a half in the making, is a labor of love. Pretentious, locquacious, self-referential, obsessed love.

I'm hitting the viño with alacrity. $8 handle of some really sour shit from Argentina. Love it!

A few minutes ago, in my boredom, I googled Lore (don't act like you don't google or never have googled people you like, bitch) and found a video of her talking about her experience at UST. Simplesmente saudade. Qualquer coisa pra ela. Hahaha! SOU UM CACHORRO!

I'm fucked. Though, I'm a hedonist with the best intentions.

Anyway, enough about my pining for women. Partially because I know she ain't doing the same for me. Haha! And if she is, well, she needs to say something 'cause I'll move to Spain. That isn't the wine talking.

Never gonna happen. So I should talk about someone who is interested in me. Problem is, I would just be using her for sex. And she's nice. Don't wanna do that. But she... like... I think really wants to do it. And that reminds me... that symbol of man... with the heart in the crotch is bullshit. Men don't conflate love with sex. At least I don't.

Listen to Ghostface Killah.

Hahaha! Ha! Fuckin' ha!

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 06:35:04 GMT

How do you lead 2-0 and lose 3-2? In soccer!! The lowest fucking scoring sport ever.

Ask the US men's soccer team.

We Americans are so cool... we changed the fuckin' name of the sport!

Anyway, I don't give a shit about soccer, but I think it's funny, and I'm kind of glad Brasiu won. Landon Donovan needs a bigger head like he needs an asshole in his armpit.

Oh, and this is completely non-sequitur, but if you're reading this: I like talking to you. It's no biggie. You seem nice. That's all.

---

I talked to Ally today and she might be coming to D-town at the end of July. It's funny how the two of us became friends at UST because we have very little in common. We hung out in front of the dorm a lot at odd hours of the morning. Smoked cigarettes. Holy shit... that's where my academic ambition went! Anyway, lots of awkward moments, too. The night I came back from partying with the Spaniards, she claimed I did something to her, but to this day won't tell me. I'm like, "Aw, man, was it bad?" "If I didn't know you, it would be. And you were drunk as shit."

Speaking of...

I'm not usually a touchy drunk, but... last time I drunkenly licked a woman on the face, it PAID DIVIDENDS if you know what I mean. Sober, it's gross. Drunk, it's NASTY. All caps.

Being that I'm usually about 6-10 inches taller than most women, sex is always a funny thing. Standing up, sitting down, in a car, in a shower, on a bed... there are moments of awkwardness and discomfort and it MAKES ME LAUGH. I'm sorry. It's not an appraisal of her body or her performance (well, it might be). It's the nature of what we're doing. Admittedly, it can kill the mood, and I'm sorry, but if you don't think it's funny then there is something inherently wrong with your humor, which means you are a lady I cannot dig.

Taking that shit so seriously. I'm not going to marry you. I'm not going to commit to a relationship with you. Thought never crossed my mind. It doesn't cross my mind because it's depressing. I'm 25. In my disappointments I've become an emotional realist. I don't bandy about words like love or adoration... I don't become enamored. I don't write poems about your beauty or your person... because I just end up with words on paper and bunch of bullshit feelings that I have to kill with alcohol and tears, and sometimes just tears because I'm so fucking broke.

I should probably seek help, but it's like Hank says on "Californication" : "I'm a writer! We don't give that shit away like that!"

It's true. I might as well pay someone to circumsize me with a butter knife.

I'm not the guy I was in the past. I am but I'm not. I'm trying a different tack. Like, as long as I've known Lore, if it was the me of the past, I'd probably tell her, "Oh yeah, hey... I was thinking that when I'm over there, you can hang with me in London, just the two of us?" But the women I feel attracted to don't share my romantic ideas. It doesn't come off the same way. They see me as an intelligent, funny, moderately attractive novelty. Not to say that's how she feels. I don't know how she feels. And it doesn't matter. Because I'm not going there. Not in English. Not in Spanish.

But from the first time I saw her, I liked her. Her lack of vanity. Her laid back attitude. She can have fun and still be classy. And of course, her accent. "We Spaniards are known for speaking terrible English." Haha! Get out of here! That admission in and of itself is funny and endearing.

As the Monno song goes: "As pequenas coisas/desde início estavam aqui" Yeah, I'm mixing my shit up. Fuck you. Basically, the smallest things can count much more than the biggest. That's why I turn down girls. That's why girls wave me away.

A palavra mais importante é "I" ... mim. Eu mesmo.

Y ahora, me voy a dormir.

Do U Dig U?

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 03:54:43 GMT

So.

Q-Tip's solo effort "Kamaal the Abstract" will finally be released this year. It was recorded in '01 and was put on the shelf by some asshole know-nothing label dipshits who deemed none of the songs worthy of "single" status. It's just too "experiemental," too "not ATCQ," such a departure, in fact, that it's unacceptable for talented artists such as Q-Tip to produce. Well, he did, and I think it's brilliant.

http://www.antimusic.com/news/09/june/re26Q-Tips_Chinese_Democracy_Finally_Gets_Release_Date.shtml

By the way, I hate the term "Chinese Democracy" when applied to expected follow-ups by artists (books, movies, records, etc.). It was funny and cute when Guns 'N' Roses used it, but now it's become a blanket term for anything that takes longer than a year without any consideration for process or thought or any of that. And besides, it's not the same situation. These songs were recorded eight years ago! This isn't some mythical project he's been talking up to get people stoked.

Anyway, it's worth checking out.

---

One of my new favorite websites to read is "The Beast," which is a collection of political/social satire rants and writings.

http://buffalobeast.com/

One of my favorite things they do is their compiled lists of the 50 "most loathsome of the year. In '08 http://buffalobeast.com/134/50mostloathsome2008-full.html you were #43. I think these people should be on the short-list for '09:

-- Steve Wilkos: Faux alpha-male on a faux tv show. Pussy in tough guy's bowling shirts (?). Throws chairs. Yells a lot. Because his show is fabricated ratings bullshit-- mostly viewed by people who want to feel good about themselves despite the fact that they are fat, unemployed, unintelligent philistines too lazy to read a book-- never really changes anything or makes any honest observations. Talks a lot about being a former cop and marine as if those two things automatically merit everyone's unfaltering admiration and respect. Invites the "dregs" on his show to ridicule and break them down, despite the fact that he was a security guard on Jerry Springer. Wears bowling shirts.

-- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: Figurehead of Iran. Wrote a cool scathing letter to President Bush a few years ago. Aside from that bit of inspired genius, a theocratic asshole of massive proportions.

-- Mir-Hossein Mousavi: Sore loser. Can't prove he actually won election. Named himself victor right after putting his vote in the ballot box. Progessive only in terms of Iranian Conservatism. Might be worse than Ahmadinejad. Has many youngsters in Iran convinced his "snubbing" was an affront to "democracy," which doesn't truly exist in Iran to begin with; thus delusional.

-- You: are probably STILL spamming about Iran on Twitter right now, and bitching about how sad it is that the death of Michael Jackson is still number one in the trending topics, decrying such a thing as "typical" of America's idiocy despite the fact that you think the new Star Trek movie was "pretty awesome." You spend too much time on the internet. You only speak one language. You think America is a Christian nation. You dismiss any criticism of Israel as anti-semitism. You think either version of "The Office" is funny. You get more upset at the prospect of a stolen election thousands of miles away than the prospect of not having affordable, adequate healthcare. You are too lazy to walk two blocks. You can't distinguish between fucking, dating, and a relationship. You think any movie starring Seth Rogen is comic genius. You think Dane Cook is funny. You call glorified gameshows centered on drama between contestants "reality tv." You watch them. You're the common denominator, the "regular Joe," the average American, the unwashed masses, the majority, the embodiment of all that's real, imagined, held down, built up, YOU... are you. Fuck you.

-- Tucker Max: Another faux alpha-male/internet celebrity douchebag who can't write, can't think, and if those stories were true, can't bring women to orgasm or hold his fucking liquor. Weak dude. Word has it his dog shit smeared script was picked up by a soon to be bankrupt studio, made into a "should be" straight to DVD film (he claims on his site that it will be released to screens) starring a couple of shit actors (what Jason and Jeremy London weren't available? Shame!), and will come out this year. Congrats.

-- Perez Hilton: Another internet celebrity, followed religiously by some for being a spiteful, unfunny "commentator" on the lives of people somehow only marginally more interesting than he is himself. Shitty nome de plume. Now is whining about getting knocked out by Will.I.Am's manager for using a gay slur. Yeah, you're a hypocrite. I think that's pretty verifiable.

-- Tao Lin: Hi. Sometimes I think about what a gimmick riding, untalented writer I am and it depresses me. Most people are depressed, I guess. But something is different for me. I'm popular on the internet and the lines outside the venues for my readings kind of resemble those outside of a *insert emo/indie/hipster band here* concert, but I feel so empty and alone. I think Richard Yates was a great writer so I named my forthcoming novel after him. I have probably never read Richard Yates, but who cares, the cutesy gimmickry will get me much further with the "Napolean Dynamite" crowd than intellectual honesty. I disguise the fact that I have no discernible writing skill or anything of import to say by writing and speaking in a clipped monotone. I never, ever, under any circumstances stray from simple sentences. This is because I erroneously assume that less is more, when the reality (semantic or otherwise) is that less is, by all accounts, always less.

-- Kanye West: Responsible for two of the best tracks on Talib Kweli's "Quality." Other than that, the second coming of Puffy. Has no flow. Basically writes pop songs. Talks about how creative he is, but hasn't learned from Tim Burton that just because you're weird doesn't mean you're creative, talented, or worth all the hype that boosts your ass into the hearts and minds of lame college kids everywhere. Probably a racist.

-- Me: I am a lazy, smug, condescending, self satisfied curmudgeon of a human being. Dropped out of college. Works for peanuts. Clutching to the hope that I will some day be able to make a living writing. Will probably be back in college in two years. Writes all this despite the fact that no one actually reads it. I randomly change perspectives at least four times in this paragraph. Drops pronouns. For this probably nullifies all accusations against Max and Lin. That's seven times. Spends too much time on the internet.

Stuff.

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:02:18 GMT

http://www.suntimes.com/news/world/1628919,w-romanians-northern-ireland-attack-061809.article

I think it'd be funny if Obama, to appease the bitchy Republicans (and all the Twitterers who are so up in arms about Iran), would begin every State of the Union speech-- every public address-- by putting on bi-focals, holding up a large sheet of paper to his face, and with a throat clearing HARUMPH (!) list off all the things in the world that US govt. will be condemning on that particular day.

"There. Bitches."

Yeah, at this moment Shaq is the top trending topic on Twitter and all the "armchair revolutionaries" are bummed. As if their constant spamming means anything. Half of it is bullshit propaganda. I'm sure you guys will weasel it back up to the top, though. 'Cause that's what's important. You guys decide that. Your opinions are the only ones that truly matter and are in the best interests of humanity as a whole.

Anyone see the problem with that?

*raises hand*

Anyway, today is another reading for "Art." It's looking like we're going to open at the end of August. Works for me. There's a lot of dialogue to memorize, and I've only got the first page comfortably memorized. So this gives me time to work it out. It gives all three of us time.

Still rockin': http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

Two weeks in Europe later this year? Maybe. Maybe more. Depends on how long my dad can put up with me. Then I can travel the EU and analyze the women in comparison to American women... and see how much more "materialistic" they are. And see how harshly they judge me as a "college dropout."

I'll show data and shit. Don't worry.

Actually, I look forward to some new experiences. Some new friends. I was talking to Matt last night, and he talked about how interesting it was to see me change in the 11 some odd years we've known one another. I noted the same about him. Like all of us at this age, we're dealing with v. 20. whatever. Constant adjustments.

So yeah. I think my novel will be done by January or February 2010. I have a very inconsistent editing process. It's also not very thought out. I just randomly read over sections, and when I see something that needs to be changed/or I want to change, I do it. I think the word is arbitrary. Yeah. If I use words like recondite in the novel, I might as well show off my vocab here as well. "Oh Patrick you're so pretentious! Get over yourself."

No.

The last few nights.

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 06:23:39 GMT

The last few nights I've been sleeping pretty damn well. This can be attributed to not having to cough myself to sleep as I had been for the prior week and a half. Also, I've been drinking again. *Sometimes I catch Lore on fb chat and she always asks me if I've been drinking alone* Sometimes, I say. But a couple of nights ago I hit LG with some friends. We always argue about songs that come on the jukebox. I came home, and I sent a drunken message to somebody... meh, yeah. I slip sometimes. Revert to that wounded place. I did send Lore a link to a website that does World Time Zone maps and told her that we could always know what time it is where each other is. I say "abrazos," she says, "besos," we're a team! Haha! *sigh*

N E WAYZ, so I've been having these dreams. Sexual ones. Like, dreams about performing cunnilingus on faceless women. I don't mean literally faceless, I mean... I never see their faces. Either this is light commentary on the fact that I have an oral fixation, or this is very heavy commentary on the way I've been "going through women" lately. Only liking them for sex, but not wanting anything else. Let's see... I've been called a "self important prick" by one, and I was deleted from fb by another in the last week or so. This is okay. I really don't care. For now, this works for me.

There's this bookish, very sweet girl at work that I've kind of been putting the moves on. She was the one who told me I sounded gay when I spoke Spanish. I can get her to smile, and she seems to enjoy the fact that I am a vast reservoir of knowledge, but she's pretty non-receptive otherwise. I think she might be dating someone. Anyway.

Recently I was somewhat freaked out by the fact that one of the freshman girls at the Middle College had a crush on me. Mostly because it was the realization that I am 10 years older than her! How did I get this old? It's flattering and cute, but yeah... call me in 6 years.

My dad called me and we talked about stuff. He still thinks I like blondes. "Stay away from the blondes, son." I keep telling him I like my women like I like my coffee... strong, black, and politically aware. Also, a big Angela Davis fro is always totally fuckin' righteous. He calls me his "Dallas Cowboy." Haha! If only I were still 8, pop. He's getting lazer surgery on his stomach on the 3rd, so hopefully I can get back over there soon.

Random stuff:

I think the girls in the American Apparel ads are hot.

Tube8 offers better porn than X-tube. I like full vids. Don't laugh. When there's down time and I have writer's block, I gotta do something. Besides, I don't get laid on the steady. And even if I did, I'd still watch porn, because let's face it, sex is awesome. Having, watching it, filming it... it's all good. It's better than strip clubs because I can be more selective. And I don't have to pay a shit ton of money.

Lydia Lunch is right. I am being exploited. Haha!

I don't care what anyone says, Brazilian girls are sexy. I kind of think even the homelier ones are cute. And I know Houellebecq does this whole rant about how it's the most overrated country in the world in "The Elementary Particles," but it's one of the countries I plan on visiting before I die.

Speaking of Brazil, I really like Monno and Kid Abelha. "Vou deixar as coisas como estão/prometo te deixar em paz/mas são só promessas"

I can't tell you how happy I was when I figured out how to do the ã. Haha!

My voice still hasn't completely returned, so I've been hitting the store brand chloraseptic. It tastes pretty good. Cherry. Two sprays, and then I try to hit my high notes. It's pretty pathetic. I sound like the acne faced teen on The Simpsons. Voice cracking and shit. Somebody was trying to make me yell to get someone else's attention the other day, "My throat is ripped, asshole."

It looks like "Art" is a go. We're going to start line readings this week! I'm stoked. I think I'm going to wear a tie for this role. I haven't worn one in ages. My character is an Engineer type. Haha! Makes me laugh. But he's also a prick, and I can play that well.

Go here: http://damnedbyfaintpraise.blogspot.com/

Coming soon is a real website with a different name that'll be a better forum for what we want to do. But for now, this is our project.

That's all for now.

More comedy. Lighten the mood.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:01:12 GMT

Childhood memories. *tear*

Iran Election and Twitter Hypocrisy.

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:38:58 GMT

What I find most interesting about this latest episode of "youth activism" is how counterproductive and ridiculous it is. Being as liberal as I am, I have no problem with speaking out and using tools of communication to get a message across. In fact I encourage it. My problem with this event in particular is how hostile it is to dialogue. Any dialogue. Twitter is a micro-blogging tool where anonymous (and not so anonymous) assholes can, in 140 characters or less, speak their minds on ANYTHING. The issue with this is that, in their precious "trending topics," that would be, what people are "talking about," there is a tendency toward spamming the hell out of whatever idiotic shit comes to mind.

On it's face, there is nothing wrong with that, but last night many Twitter users were talking about other things. The Iran Election types were falling to topics such as "AaronCarter'sCell" and "gooddick" and "goodpussy." The latter two subsequently disappeared (this does not ever happen. Normally it takes a day. This was in an hour or so). No matter what you think in terms of "topical importance," the fact of the matter is, Twitter is not righteous in controlling dialogue for political purposes. It's hypocritical and an affront to what they are supposedly trying to achieve.

It is foolhardly and smug to assume that whatever cause you choose to take on is more important than what someone else is doing. You can say, "well, those topics were sexual and inappropriate," but then you'd be no different than the Mullahs in Iran. Yeah, they don't think people (especially women) should enjoy having sex, either. What you guys are doing, WHAT YOU ARE DOING, is not punk or revolutionary. In fact, there's no real indication that these spamming assholes have read anything that isn't on their yahoo homepage. SO, what I am going to do for you is a favor.

I'm going to give you material from different sources. You will read them and perhaps form a REAL opinion on the matter instead of just bandwagoning a cause because it makes you feel good or virtuous (what makes your cause more important than the fact that people are still worried about making rent at the end of every month? You privileged assholes). First, remove heads from asses, and then--

First, a blog:

http://watchitdie.blogspot.com/2009/06/iran-protests-so-much-bullshit.html

And before you see the title of the link and act like whoever wrote it is a freedom hating terrorist, READ. In fact, read all of those threads... the stuff on the BNP is good, too. There's more going on in the world than your cause.

Salon has some really good articles:

http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2009/06/15/iran_results/index.html

This one takes a look at both sides of the argument that is at the heart of all this. The actual election.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/06/16/iran/index.html

Glenn Greenwald. I like this guy. In this article there is a link to a Daniel Larison article in American Conservative, which is actually very good.

http://www.amconmag.com/larison/2009/06/15/silence-is-golden/

If you just do some searching, there's plenty of other looks at this. The details are suspect, and if you're going to rail about supposed censorship in Iran, it's really dumb to censor on the internet. The internet belongs to us all. Creation is Crucifixion said it best: "No one can patent a socialization tool / communication model."

Wanna be a real punk/revolutionary? Go here:

http://www.hactivist.com/

Because at the end of the day, Iran is still a theocracy run by a bunch of assholes, and the opposition guy, despite what his wikipedia "love letter" says, is not that much of an improvement.

Ben Weinman vs. "hot chick"

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 19:42:31 GMT

There's something awkward about this interview. There's that non-aggressive sexual tension; the kind that in movies is usually followed by a quick cut to the dude banging away at the chick (Grunts and other sound affects included); or the kind that in real life make you want to find her again before the night is done.

No doubt he finds her sexable, but I'm thinking he might be very bored of her. Her English is okay, but her questions are uninspired, and he has to guide the banter... yeah. Anyway, she's hot, and I thought the joke about their music sounding like "trashcans being flung down some stairs" was funny. Good old self-deprecating Ben.

The Edge of Heaven.

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 01:23:22 GMT

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One of the best movies I've seen in awhile, and I am rather late! I admit that I teared up near the end of this one. Powerful without being overpowering, emotional without being manipulative/condescending, and... what do ya know! No fucking preaching! Beats the shit out of about 95% of the dreck being produced by anyone.

I recommend this flick.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Edge_of_Heaven_(film)

Anyway, it's like Dick Van Patten said, "If you label me, you negate me." Haha!

Bill Burr.

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 06:31:47 GMT

I have never seen a comedian so thoroughly OWN an audience. Bill Burr has earned my respect and THEN some. The sound quality is bad, but it's a classic.